Dear Sasuke
by Sakura Inoue
Summary: Ok you have heard of Ask Ino and Ask Sakura but now it's Sasuke's turn! Prepare to laugh at his torture! My Summary sucks so let's leave it at this. Review!
1. Enter Sasuke Uchiha

**Dear Sasuke**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Sasuke or any other Naruto characters even though I want to. This is a Parody/Humor Story!**

* * *

Sasuke was sitting in a dark room alone. "What the hell?" The light turned on and Sasuke sees he is in a black room. "Why am I here?" he asked. "You're in my room of torture. Sasuke-kun." I said from another room with cameras watching every move he makes. "Whatever? I'm leaving." He said as he went to the door and jiggled the handle. "hehehehe, The door is stuck Sasuke-kun. There's no way out." I said through an intercom. "so why am I here again?" "To answer Fan mail!" "Sorry, I don't do fan mail." "oh yeah, We'll see about that." "what are you going to do."

Kori Tatsu laughed. "I'll send in rabid Fan girls after you!." Sasuke's eyes widened. "You wouldn't." "I would." Kori laughed maniacally. "Fine. where's the first damn letter." "right here." It poofed infront of Sasuke. Sasuke looked at it and read it outload.

_Dear Sasuke,_

_Why is your name Sas**uke**? _

_Oh and how powerful is Otogakures army? I'm in the Akatsuki and I've been assigned to get our ring back and kill the traitor._

_Sincerely yours,_

_Ken Onshuu_

_P.S. Itachi says "Foolish little brother, you wouldn't have been captured and locked in a room if you weren't so weak… why are you weak? Because you lack… hatred… and what happened to your big ass neckband? All Uchihas must wear a neckband that covers at least their chin at all times, I even made them put a huge neckband on the Akatsuki cloak._

_Oh and tell that Jinchuriki friend of yours to quit hanging out with powerful shinobi and make out job easier." Oh, Kisame says "hey Itachi's brother."_

Sasuke: -eye twitches- It's Sasuke God Damnit! And for you information. It means Legendary Warrior. Also the Sound Village Army are weaklings. I'am thinking to come back to Konoha.

Kori: You are in Konoha.

Sasuke: WTF?! How?

Kori: I kidnapped you and brought you back!

Sasuke: why?

Kori: Cause you deserve to be here. Also because your friggin Sexy!

Sasuke: ...

Kori: -giggles-

Sasuke: dobe.

Naruto: pops out of nowhere. Hey Teme!

Sasuke: Why in hell are you here?!

Naruto: I came through the door.

Sasuke: _I could of escaped. Damn it! _

Sasuke: well anyways, to finish your questions, Onshuu. If you're in the Akatsuki, I want you to tell that Damn Itachi that I'am going to come after him! I'am not weak and I'am going to prove it! And I removed that neck band a longtime ago. And trust me, Naruto just gets in the way. Kisame kill Itachi for me.

Naruto: What the hell are you doing Teme?

Sasuke: None of your business Dobe.

Kori: Ok thats all for today! See ya next time!

**

* * *

**

**Please Review and send in your questions! The next one should be out soon! And sorry if Sasuke is a bit OOC! **

**Kori Tatsu**


	2. Sasuke Confesses

**DEAR SASUKE**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Sasuke or other characters. I also don't own any kunais so don't sue!**

**

* * *

**

**Kori: WAKEY WAKEY SASUKE-SAN!  
**

**Sasuke: jumps up Damnit! Why do you have to do that?!**

**Kori: what? You don't want to disappoint the dear readers do you?**

**Sasuke: I wouldn't mind if I did.  
**

**Kori: But they would unless you want the rabid fan girls off their leashes.**

**Sasuke: Fine where's the first letter.  
**

**Naruto: hads him the letter Here Teme. -yawns-**

**Sasuke: Dobe, I forgot you were here. **

**Naruto: Teme, do you have any food here?**

**Sasuke: No.**

**Naruto: why not?**

**Sasuke: -eye twitches- How could I if I was kidnapped when I was asleep? **

**Naruto: Wow! you were kidnapped?! And I thought you were stronger than that chicken-head!**

**Sasuke: WHY YOU-**

**Kori: Now Now Now Sasuke-kun. Read the letter. Oh and here's a care package. **

**A care Package drops to the floor.**

**Naruto: Yay! Where did this come from?  
**

**Sasuke: didn't you here the maniac?**

**Naruto: what maniac?**

**Sasuke: damnit. I must be going insane.**

**Kori: Just read the stupid letter.  
**

**Sasuke: -sighs- Fine. -he reads the letter outloud-**

_Dear Sasuke, _

Well, since you obviously answered my first question sas"uke", I was wondering. If you had to choose between kissing Sakura or Naruto's Sexy No Jutsu form or Tenten, which would you chose?

-Kyoni

P.S. Who styles you hair? I think you should sue them or something. . .or at least stop using so much hair gel.

**Sasuke: -eye twitches- Do I have to answer this?**

**Kori and Naruto: yes! **

**Sasuke: -mumbles under his breath.-**

**Kori: just answer!**

**Sasuke: sakura -Her said in a small voice-**

**Naruto: what? Can't hear you Teme!**

**Sasuke: I SAID SAKURA GOD DAMN IT!**

**Naruto: WTF?! YOU KNOW DAMN WELL THAT SAKURA IS MY GIRLFRIEND RIGHT?!**

**Sasuke: SHE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE YOU DOBE!**

**Naruto: YES SHE DOES!**

**Sakura: who like's who now?**

**Naruto and Sasuke: Sakura?!**

**Sakura: what?**

**Sasuke: nothing. Also, Itachi made my hair that way when we were younger. Now do you see why I'am in a pissed off mode all the time? Where's the next damn question? **

**Sakura: here. -hands him a letter- **

**Sasuke: where did you get that?**

**Sakura: some strange girl gave it to me to give to you and led me to this room.**

**Sasuke: Damn. Lost my chance again. Anyways, -he read the question out loud-**

_Dear Sasuke,_

_Sasuke, You love Sakura dont you?_

_- Blueyedblonde_

**Sakura: -blushes madly-**

**Sasuke: er...Can I skip the question?**

**Kori: nope!**

**Sasuke:...no, she's annoying -lying-**

**Kori: you're lying Sasuke!**

**Sasuke: fine I like her, god damn it.**

**Sakura: -smiles- yes! I knew it! **

_Inner Sakura: CHA! BEAT YA TO IT INO-PIG!_

**Naruto: -mouth drops-**

**Sasuke: Alright next letter. -he reads it aloud.-**

_Dear Sasuke; _

1) What the hell is your problem, man? You think you're so amazing, don't you? DON'T YOU:(  
2) Do you actually LIKE anyone apart from yourself? -.-  
3) Gaara could PWN you. :( So quit acting all high and mighty. (Gaara, if you're seeing this, I LOVE YOU!  
4) How was it with Orochimaru? Isn't he like, a pedophile?! O.o  
5) What happened to the bigass neckband..? Itachi has one. Why not you? BRING BACK THE NECKBAND! BRING BACK THE NECKBAND!

Yours sincerely,  
Aki Mitsuko

P.S – Hi Naruto!

**Sasuke: -eye twitches- **

**Naruto: pfthahahahahahaha! Some one actually hates the moron!**

**Sakura: quiet naruto! -hits him on the head.-**

**Naruto: OW! B-But Sakura-chan!**

**Sasuke: To answer your question, Mitsuko, I have no problem.**

**Naruto: yes you do!**

**Sasuke: shut up dobe! And like I said before, I do like someone. I like Sakura.**

**Sakura: -grins-**

**Sasuke: Also, I could beat Gaara anytime.**

**Gaara: Is that a challenge?**

**Sasuke: where did you come from?**

**Gaara: Through the door. **

**Sasuke: damn it **

**Gaara: Mitsuko...I have no comment on what you wrote.**

**Sasuke: Orochimaru is gay. Why do you think I wanted to come back? And I don't like the headbands. Dobe, the girl said hi.**

**Naruto: Hey Aki! **

**Sasuke: -sighs- what a pain.**

**Kori: OK! Thats all for now! See ya next time!**

**

* * *

**

**PLEASE REVIEW AND SEND QUESTIONS!  
Kori Tatsu**


	3. New Friends and wha! A WEDDING TOO!

**Sakura: Kori Tatsu does not own Naruto.**

**Kori: I do not. Ok we'll start off with a letter.**

_Dear Sas "uke",_

If you think your so tough, I have a dare for you. If you back down it shows just how much of a "scared little emo" boy you are.

Since you say you rather kiss Sakura, and not Naruko A.K.A Female Naruto, I dare you to. . .

Poke Female Naruto in the boob!

Hahah what now chicken head?

-Kyoni

P.S. That's what you get for thinking you could take down Gaara-sama!

Team 7: -eye twiches- OH HELL NO!

Kori: NO! I DON'T WANT MY SASUKE-KUN TO DO THAT!

Sakura: Excuse me? Your Sasuke-kun?

Kori: Can't we share? You know Sharing is Caring.

Sakura: No! He's my Sasuke-kun! -pouts-

Kori: Just do the what the damn letter says!

Team 7: NO!

Kori: Ok fine with me.

Manager: No Kori, You have to make them do it.

Kori: B-But why?!

Manager: If you don't, it's coming out of your Paycheck.

Kori: But I don't get payed!

Manager: Well you do now!

Kori: -mutters under her breath.- ( just do it )

Naruto: -whimpers- but I don't wanna!

Kori: -whimpers- but you have to!

Naruto: -whimpers- no!

Kori: -whimpers- yes! I'am sorry.

Sasuke: Fine...I'll do it.

Kori, Sakura, and Naruto: WHA?!?!?!?!?!?! O.O

Gaara: -at the time was just staring blankly-

**CENSORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**A MINUTE LATER**

Sasuke: -was sitting in a corner and his body was shaking.-

Sakura: -comforting sasuke-

Naruto: -sits in another corner in the fetal position and sucking his thumb-

Gaara: -laughing hysterically-

Kori: Ok! GET YOURSELVES IN SHAPE! HERE'S THE NEXT QUESTION!

_Dear Sasuke,_

_1) Is there a particular reason you like Sakura?_

2) If you were to pick truth, dare, fire in the barn, fuck a finger, or cry out, which would you pick? (Fire in the barn is who you would rather save from a fire, but the person you save is nakd, fuck a finger is who would you rather fuck, cry out is a phrase you have to scream out at the top of your lungs)

3) Sakura asks you the question to whatever you pick!!

P.S. HI NARUTO!!

_ Shadow Angel 101_

Sasuke: well...-

Ken and Aki: -appears- Yo.

Team 7: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TWO?!

Ken: Ken Onshuu

Aki: Aki Mitsuko

Sasuke: How the fuck did you guys get here?

Aki and Ken: Front door...

Sasuke: GOD DAMN IT!

Gaara: Wait... Mistuko?

Everyone: ...

Gaara: Wait... YOU'RE THAT GIRL!

Aki: -hearteyes- YOU REMEMBERED! -glooshes Gaara-

Gaara: -blushes- Get off of me...

Aki: OK GAARA-SAN!

Gaara: hmm...Many possiblities come to mind.

Sakura: To answer Sasuke's first question. He loves me just as I love him. That should be simple enough.

Kori: Ok next question.

Sasuke: whatever...Dobe you choose.

Naruto: He'll cry out! Dattebayo! Sakura-chan! If you please.

Sakura: Certainly.

Kori: OOH! I know where this is going. . - Gets Tsunade-sama dressed as a preacher.-

Tsunade: why am I here?

Kori: Cause I'am paying you.

Tsunade: Oh...ok then...

Sasuke: Sakura? whats going on?

Sakura: Ok! Sasuke I want you to say I do.

Sasuke: Wtf?!?!?!?!?! -naruto covers his mouth-

Tsunade: We are gathered to here today to unite this young couple in Holy Matrimony. Sakura Haruno. Do you take this shinobi/missing-nin to be your lawfully wedded husband?

Sakura: I do!

Tsunade: And do you, Sasuke Uchiha, Take this Medic-nin as your Lawfully wedded wife?

Kori: You have to say it Sasuke!

Sasuke: -his face turned red- ...

Kori: well while we're waiting for this iceblock to crack, lets read his nect letter! I hope it's juicy!

_Dear Sasuke,  
1. How do u feel about people calling you Sasgay?  
2. GAARA WILL YOU MARRY ME?! (if you don't I shall destroy your stuffed bear toy animal thing -laughs evily-)  
3. SAKURA CAN YOU MARRY LEE AND NOT SASUKE?!!  
4. SASUKE CAN YOU MARRY NARUTO AND NOT SAKURA?!  
5. Naruto why are you too stupid to notice Hinata likes you?_

Wuv,  
Bella

PS: SASUNARU YAY!

Sasuke: Very annoyed thank you very much. The next question is for you Gaara.

Aki: -about to explode.-

Gaara: I'll let Mitsuko answer this one.

Aki: IN HELL HE WON'T! GAARA-SAMA WON'T MARRY ANYONE EXCEPT ME AND BACK AWAY FROM MR.BEAR!

Gaara: That should clear things up.

Aki: Anything for you Gaara-sama. -cute smile-

Gaara: -light pink forms on his cheeks- -turns away-

Aki: -giggles-

Kori: Ok... that was interesting. Well anyways Sakura you have the next question.

Sakura: -ahem- I WILL NOT MARRY LEE-SAN! WE'RE ONLY FRIENDS AND THAT IS ALL GET THAT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL!

Sasuke and everyone else: -sweatdrops-

Kori: Note to self: Never mess with a pissed off Sakura.

Team 7: -eye twitches and anime vains appear- HELL NO HE/I WON'T!

Kori: Ok Naruto the last one is for you. -hands Naruto the letter-

Naruto: -reads then blushes- really? Hinata-chan likes me?

Everyone: NO DUH! How dense can you get?

Kori: Well anyways I do not approve of yaoi or anyother not right relations. On to the next letter!

_Dear Sasuke,   
1. Is Kabuto a mini-Orochimaru-pedophile? One of my friends thinks he's cute shudders and I'm trying to convince her he's a sadistic as--idiot.  
2. What is up with the purple bows?  
3. Why do you fear fangirls so much? I'm not one, but still. Fear the twisted fanfic writers who hate you and put you in either SasuOro/SasuNaru/SasuKabu/or SasuSakon 'M' fanfic.  
-KitKat  
P.S. If you ever see Kimimaro, tell him I said hi. I may not be /your/ fangirl gags, but Kimimaro, on the other hand..._

Sasuke: Interesting... well to answer the first question. Kabuto is a not a pedophile even thought he likes being touched by one. -shudders- And about the purple bows...I don't know but they are really heavy. And I don't feel like telling you the reason about my F.GPhobia. And yes, I do fear many fan fic writers. And Kimimaru is dead. Sorrry...

Kori: Last Letter!

Everybody: THANK GOD!

Kori: At Least for today. -sly grin-

Everybody: -groans- 

_hmm this goes to naruto why would u let someone hit you? points to sakura she better be lucky im not you. dont turn the light off at night sakura. muhhahahahaha_

_- vinson_

Naruto: well uh...it's just that I'am afraid of Sakura-chan and please don't hurt her. -puppy dog eyes-

Kori: AWWWWWW! VINSON! LOOK AT THIS CUTE WITTLE FACE! WELL THATS ALL FOR NOW! BYE!

Kori: Thats all for today. Please review and message. Plus, no more Sasuke hate mail. Thank you for your cooperation.


	4. Some Truth and Fighting!

Dear Sasuke Part 4!

Kori: Welcome back! Now to do my Disclaimer, I invited a special guest to do it for me. Drum Roll Please? A drumstick is thrown at her. I SAID DRUM ROLL NOT DRUMSTICK NARUTO! 

Naruto: GOMEN! It's hard to hear back here! 

Kori: glares Ahem. Please welcome TonTon! 

Everybody in the Room: TONTON?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! 

Kori: Yes, TonTon. What's wrong with that? 

Sasuke: Maybe because we don't understand pig?! 

Naruto: OOH! OOH! OOH! I know Pig Latin! 

Kori: OMG! ME TOO! We Like have some much in common! 

Both Kori and Naruto: TOTALLY GNARLY! 

TonTon: Oink Oink Oink Oi Oink Oink. ( Kori does not own Naruto-san or his friends) 

Kori: Thank you TonTon! 

Everybody (except Gaara): You understood him?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! 

Kori: Yup

Everybody: sweatdrops 

Kori: Now Let the story begin with our- er I mean Sasuke's first letter! 

Sasuke: Oh boy, This is going to be good. sarcastic 

Kori: I know won't it! jumps with glee 

Sasuke: I was being Sar- 

Kori: slaps Sasuke's mouth shut Let's begin! This first letter is from Hopeh!

**Hi! A couple of quick questions  
Sasuke, if there was one family member you could bring back to life, who would you choose? Also, do you think your life would have been different if you weren't so talented in ninja arts (considering that Itachi was still said better than you)?**

Same for Naruto, if you had a choice of one family member to have lived, knowing that you really didn't know them, who would you take your chances with? (Also, you can pick brother or sister.) Just curious!

And a quick note for several peoples (xD)  
Sasuke, good luck with Itachi!  
Sakura, I'm so glad you've continued to train in medical jutsu! It really suits you!   
Gaara, I'm a big fan, and I'm glad that you and your siblings are getting along well!  
Naruto, keep going! You just keep getting better, and it's fun to watch all of your progress!  
And last, but not least, good luck to Lee with his never-ending training in the springtime of youth!  


**- Hopeh**

Sasuke: Probably my mother, she was the only one who paid any attention towards me while my father paid attention to Itachi.

Kori: Woah...that's deep. Naruto? 

Naruto: Probably my father, I just want to know him. 

Kori: tears streaming down her face You guys are so...sniff loving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10 minutes later. 

Kori: Ok I feel better now! Now say thanks to yout comments.

Sasuke: thanks. 

Sakura: Arigato! 

Naruto: Thanks! Dattebayo! 

Gaara: ...hn

Lee: Yosh! Thank you youthful friend! 

Kori: Ok next Question!

**Dear Sasuke:**

ok, um first I don't hate you, I was just seriously bugged by what you did to Naruto and Sakura! I mean, they are the only thing you have in this life and you throw them out just for a stupid revenge? Jeeze... well, other question but this one goes for Naruto:... can I glomp you?? ur just too cute! / last one goes for Sasuke and he'd better be truthfull about this one: do you really hate your brother, won flesh and blood as to kill him and trully be the only Uchiha in the whole earth? (that is of course till we have little Uchiha's -nudges Sakura-)

well that's all, bye!  
P.S.: Naruto rulz n//n  
- gust-rider

Sasuke: I try to stay away from them so I don't have close contact with them. If I do, I'm afraid that Itachi would see it as my weakness and hurt them. He said sincerely

Sakura: S-Sasuke-kun?

Naruto: hmm... O.O SOMEONE REPLACED THIS SASUKE! THIS ISN'T THE TEME I KNOW! HE WOULD NEVER SAY THAT. jumps on sasuke and trys to pull off his 'mask'.

Sasuke: OW! DOBE GET THE HELL OFF! IT'S REALLY ME. 

Naruto: Damn! This must be glued on tight! continues to take off the 'mask'.  


**Ken: smirks**

Aki: whispers How long do you think this is going to last?

Kori: shrugs

10 minutes later  
Both boys are passed out.

Kori: Now before we leave, you two must answer the last two questions.

Naruto: to tired to answer

Sasuke: Yes...I...hate...my...brother for...killing...our clan. falls asleep

Kori: Ok I guess that's it for today! And It has been an interesting one! Now everyone drive safely and have a good day!

Authors note: Please Review and Message. Ja Ne!  



	5. OMG! I'M ALIVE! AN!

**A/N:**

* * *

**I'm sorry you guys!! I'm sorry that I haven't updated at all! It's just that I have been really busy. **

**I know that you guys probably really hate because I haven't written any of my stories in a year but I promise that **

**I'll start writing again **

**There are a few things I would like to clear up. **

**1) First off, My original pen name was Kori Tatsu but now it's Sakura Inoue so don't send any hate mail to me for claiming that I **

**stole my own stories XD**

**2) I'm thinking of starting my stories off fresh meaning delete all my old ones and start new ones. If you don't want this to **

**happen, please review my stories and tell me so. If I receive enough reviews, I'll continue! Also, please send some **

**constructive critism on how I can make my stories even better than they were before. Thank you**

**3) That's is all XD**

* * *

**Anyways thank you for taking some of your precious time to read this A/N. I'll really appreciate if you support me considering that all my story files have been deleted ;;;;**

**Yours truely, **

**Sakura Inoue**

**Last Known as  
**

**Kori Tatsu**


End file.
